Manoj Ramachandran’s Testimony
I decided to follow Christ when I was eighteen years old. It is now
almost ten years since then and I have not regretted my decision to
follow Christ. The following story will reveal clearly how and what
happened in my making up my decision to follow Christ and how I became
satisfied in the person of Jesus Christ.
In search of purpose and deliverance
I am Manoj Ramachandran and was born in Madurai, Tamil Nadu. I was born
into a rich middle class joint-family. Our family believes deeply in
values and acknowledgement of God in every day activities. Every
morning, every one in my family will spend a minimum of five to fifteen
minutes to pray to the pictures of Hindu gods and goddesses. Every body
in our family believed that is there is a God but he has chosen to
reveal himself in many ways over time. We were not sure about the times
of history when God came into the world to reveal himself to Hindus but
there are countless beautiful stories that mark the deliverance of God
for ordinary people. I was curious to know whether God has chosen to do
so recently and wondered why God seems to be so far in the 20th
century. But, we also believed God is infinitely great and it doesn’t
make sense to take a step to find out more about him and Idols are the
only way to show to God our reverence and present our needs. I began to
admire the fact there is something inside in everybody’s heart that
makes one acknowledge God. I never wondered about how the world
originated but was very afraid about death. There are so many theories
explaining death but nothing was convincing enough. I thought there
will never be answers to such questions.
During my teenage years and my year as freshman into college, under the
pressure of peers, I had to explore the world and enjoy its pleasure
that resulted in a very bad company. Most of time in college, I wasted
time, money, and energy into the things that I now regret. But, I
believed that was the thing to do at that age. After all, I thought,
Life is going to end after few more years from then and life should be
full of pleasures. Unfortunately, life didn’t turn out the way I
wanted. I was treated very badly by sophomores (2nd year students) when
I was a freshman that I started crying and wondered why I ended up in
college at all. I was depressed and started hating my college life. I
realized that I don’t have any control on your life. I was already
addicted to many bad habits and life started stinking. There was no
peace inside and the more looked I looked deep into my heart, more I
desired to keep it clean from the foul emanating from inside. But, it
was too late. The things that I enjoyed had taken control of me and I
had become a slave to many things. I was just seventeen by then..
I felt that time had come to start life from scratch. It was clear that
I had only two choices to make. One was to continue down the same old
path and destroy myself or to forget the old path somehow, and muster
‘new strength’ from somewhere and change my life around. But, I didn’t
know how and where to start. It made sense to me that meditation is the
way to start because I have heard that meditation will help control the
mind. Yes. I understood that some sort of control on my life was
missing. I need to be restrained by a higher power that I believed is
achievable through meditation. So, I registered myself in
Transcendental Meditation (TM) with the consent of my parents. They
didn’t know about my addiction but were happy that I am doing well to
myself. I was so proud of myself for taking the first step to make my
life as a clean slate. I realized that I have sold my mind for nothing
and I have right to take it back. But, I realized how foolish I was
when I understood that I was already dead inside because of my bad
habits and it is going to take “spiritual power” from outside rather
than inside to deliver me out of the pit?
I started hating the things I did before but could not stop doing the
things that I hated. I came to understand what it means to be addicted.
I started crying and was desperate to reach higher level in TM so I
could tap the spiritual power waiting for me. But, I wasn’t sure how
long it is going to take to ‘receive’ the power and how much of it I
needed. I was simply confused. Isn’t that true that my inner nature has
been corrupted because of the things I shouldn’t have done? I realized
that I don’t just need the power to take away addiction but also to
change me from within. I felt the need for a perfect example that would
tell me the way I should live and direct my life. Naturally, my
inclination was to look up to Swami Vivekananda whose life is still an
example to millions of Hindus. I started reading his books and try to
emulate every single step he had taken. I began reading his books and
his books directed me more toward God and meditation.
For the very first time, I fully understood the spiritual side of Swami
Vivekananda. He was not just on a quest for obtaining more powers in
meditation but the true quest was spiritual. He wanted to know God
more. My struggle for deliverance had found a new road. One day, few
strange thoughts came my to my mind, “Can God be the solution for my
problems? Can God change me? Does God still care about human beings?” I
had never thought about God in such a way before and it looked very
unreasonable for me to expect God to care of one single person in the
entire world to come and help in time of need. The more I read Swami
Vivekananda books, more I thought about God. It was strange that I was
then facing a different set of questions. I had to answer myself the
following questions. Does God really exist? Does God really care? Will
my deliverance come? What is the standard of moral life I am looking
for? One day, it struck my like a lightening bolt that standard for
living should come from God and not from men. I started searching for
life’s moral standards in “Bhagavad-Gita”, Hindu’s Holy Scripture. I
never fully understood why I was not asked to read them at an earlier
age by our elders. Before too long, I plunged myself to reading
“Bhagavad-Gita” and I was becoming an ardent reader of it. The more I
read, more questions came to my mind. The most simple and beautiful
realization was that I was attracted more towards God than the
standards. I realized that my real search was to know the creator
personally more than the commandments. I have read countless stories
about how God had personal relationship with ordinary human beings in
the historical past. I wondered whether it is possible for God to
accept me just as I am and have a relationship with me as a father-son
relationship even in this century. The answer came but in a much
different and unexpected way..
My thirst for being loved and accepted by God grew like a monster. I
was beginning to get involved in Hare-Krishna movement and was
encouraged by fellow believers to observe strict rituals. I was into
Krishna-consciousness. The goal of my life has become to be filled with
the consciousness of God rather than anything. While I was on the
quest, I had a pertinent question that needed to be answered. How do I
get rid of my old habits? Who will bring about me in a character change
or change of heart? I was now quite comfortable doing regular
meditation and chanting of Krishna name in the early morning, But, when
the time of temptation comes, there was no strength in me to resist the
temptation. I was not sure if God was offended at all because of my old
habits and I wasn’t sure when the deliverance will come. One day, I
looked up to the heaven with a cry in my heart to God for an assurance
that I have come to an end of my search. Was I at the end of my
pursuit? I wasn’t sure whether there would be anything worth exploring
further. The burden of my heart was to know that God loves me and that
God is willing to accept me just as I am and deliver me from my “evil”
habits that were taking a toll on my life. Little did I know at that
time that God did not despise my longing of my heart and would come
after me!
I had become a sophomore by then. I was switching dorms and wanted to
be alone without any roommates. Finally, I ended up having a very good
room that helped me maintain solitude. Soon, I found out that my
neighbor is a devout Christian but he was not on a spiritual quest. He
claimed that God has answers to most of my questions. We became good
friends and shared many hours of debates and arguments about
Christianity and Hinduism. I have been to churches before this and
never felt it is wrong to pray to Christ since I considered “all gods
are same”. My Christian neighbor’s life was a like a light of a city on
a hill that convicted my heart of my bad habits. He called the wrong
actions and bad habits as “sins”. And, there was sense of contentment
in his life that made me ask him more questions about Bible’s
perspectives about life and other trivial issues. I was curious to know
what Bible had to say about me and human life in general. I was angry
at him sometimes when he claimed that Christ is the only way to God and
questioned him why Christians go proudly to preach their religion? I
told him that I respect Jesus and I was ready to consider him as
Krishna’s son but nothing more that. I was proud in the fact that I
felt more tolerant than him. But, this stance doesn’t seem to help
answer my spiritual thirst. There were few questions started coming to
my life. Can Christ’s claim that he is the truth be true? Is he the
only solution? I didn’t have any idea how close I was to truth at the
time.
It was the afternoon of December, 18, 1997, my spiritual thirst would
boil into something that I least expected. My Christian friend invited
me to his room and went over the differences between Hinduism and
Christianity. He explained to me that the same God could not have given
utterly conflicting things to different people to follow and that he is
not the author of confusion. He also told me that God of the Bible
created and still creates people with a certain purpose and that I have
to make a decision to follow Christ to realize that purpose. I was
stunned about what he said. Till then, nobody has ever talked to me
about my life’s purpose and has ever said that my life carried a
purpose at all. I never thought much about that before. Here was the
challenge that one’s life purpose could be realized by trusting in
Christ and in him alone. One part of my heart longed that whatever he
said be true. Other part was totally afraid to enter “fresh” waters. I
was quite open to be accepted by the ‘true’ God and wanted to know if
God had anything to do with my life. There were only two choices. One
is to continue along the path where I didn’t know where the end is and
another is to trust Christ alone and see if he had a purpose. After
many hours of thinking that evening, I decided to trust Christ alone
with all seriousness and sincerity. I was terribly afraid about the
consequences. But, I thought nothing is more important than to know
about my purpose in life.
I was ready to pay any cost to realize God’s purpose for me. My life as
a Christian began that evening. I went to a church in Trichy and asked
Christ to change my life.
I informed my Christian friend about my decision to follow Christ. He
was completely taken by surprise. He was overjoyed and took me to his
bible study group and church. I started reading Bible with great
thirst. The first book of New Testament, Mathew that carried Jesus
teaching blew my mind. I have never read something like that before.
Every word of Jesus pierced my soul. I felt that his love, sincerity
and sacrifice for mankind were appealing to my soul. I trembled before
his holiness and majesty and his preaching. Yet, Bible said he is
willing to me accept me just as I am and he is ready to change my life
empowering me. I started praying to Jesus and bible was simpler than I
had imagined. I was able to understand the simple yet powerful
teachings of the Bible. After two or three days after becoming a
Christian, I realized that there was joy in my soul as a result of my
decision to follow Christ. History can say that no person has ever
spoken like him. My soul was slowly getting convinced that Jesus is the
creator and can help me and realize my life’s purpose as my thirst was
slowly fading away. A new thirst started to spring in my life. That
thirst was to know more about Jesus and his love that accepts any one
at any stage of life. God of the Bible doesn’t need any qualification
from us to accept us. Christ himself paid the sacrifice by accepting
punishment for our sins so we could be accepted by God and we could
receive his forgiveness. For the very first time, I was stunned to see
God’s love in action.
My life began to change but my family didn’t know about the decision I
had made.
However, my thirst had gone. Jesus himself said in the Bible (John
8:37, 38) that “If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink. He who
believes in Me, as the scripture has said, out of his heart will flow
rivers of living water”. The promises had come true in my life. I was
overjoyed. My addictions were going away from me as I started to read
Bible and pray to Jesus. My families and friends began to take notice
of the changes that were happening. Their response shocked me. Some
thought I had made a poor decision and some thought I had gone mad
because of my spiritual quest and suggested to see a doctor. My family
became worried that I had stopped worshipping idols and performing
rituals required during festivals. I was very sad over many
developments that happened after my decision. My family opposed going
to church and reading the Bible. But, my soul was convinced that the
claims of Christ were true after my thirst and addictions had
disappeared. I felt I am in debt to follow Christ and my soul cannot
lie to any body over what happened to it. Changes that Christ brought
me in to my life were so dramatic that my friends whom I used to hang
out with forged complaints to my parents to come to my college and take
care of me as they thought I needed parental care and advice to come
back to Hinduism. God had become so personal and a friend to me.
I soon realized that life problems are common to anybody and won’t
disappear after you become a Christian. But, you never have to let your
heart be trouble. I came to United States in August 2000 for my studies
for my higher studies and wherever I go I make it a priority to keep
God first in my life. My parents are still Hindus and are not
interested in knowing and pursue the claims of Christ right now.
Whatever may the future holds for me, I am fully prepared to remain
faithful to the one who delivered me from a pit and has given me a new
life.
Following are my two other favorite verses from the Bible:
“I am the way, the truth, and the life. No man comes to the father but through me” –
John 14:6
“God is love” – I John 4:8
My purpose of my testimony is to tell you that there exists a God who
is willing to accept us just as we are. He doesn’t need anything from
us. Instead, He is a God of love who chose to give his own life for us
and promised to change our lives if we trust in him. If you are
honestly seeking to know the truth, please read the Bible for yourself
and make the step of faith in following Christ without wasting any
minute. It is a decision worth making. I have never regretted the
decision to fully follow Christ till now.
Thank you.
Manoj
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